ON AGING

Photo: "Skitch Aging"
By Skitch

THEN & NOW:


Though there's certainly a lot of truth to the idea that growing old is not for sissies, I've actually liked life more as I aged. My thirties were better than my twenties and my forties are better still. The only things I don't like about being older is the aches/pains, the health issues, & I have struggled with the empty nest thing. I miss having little boys around, but my guys have turned into these grown men that I couldn't possibly live without, so what's a mom to do? 

Maybe it sounds like I dislike a lot of things about being older, but the list of things I do like is longer. I like being wiser. I like being more self assured. I like knowing myself & others better. I like who I am more & that makes a BIG difference in my world. I like the fact that Olin & I get along better as we go along, each year seeming a little more romantic, a little more hopeful than the last. I do hope we live to see our golden years and that they turn out to be as golden as they are hinting they could be.

Don't get me wrong, I've certainly got my hard times, like everybody, but all in all things are good. I have a total of 15 people now that I love with all my heart but they won't or can't (because their parents won't allow it) even speak to me on any regular/dependable basis, or at all, period! I've suffered pretty hard with depression due to that, especially this last year. It seems that load is getting heavier all the time. My health is spooky sometimes, and I don't think I've ever had a job that I disliked more than the one I have now. But I remain acutely aware that things could be so much worse. We (even those I love that will not speak to me) are on the right side of the dirt, and as long as we are alive hope exists that some day they will decide to help me nurture relationships that are close and loving as we once had, or in some cases - as we should have had. Our health is overall great (no one is dying with cancer or even struggling with M S. etc) Olin and I get along wonderfully and my sweet, intelligent, healthy sons love me. Who am I kidding? They adore me! My parents are 81 & 75 and still doing fine in their own home & blessing me with their insight & their love. I asked my mother what I should think about the fact that I have so many people that I love that won't allow me to be in their lives. Her 75 year old wisdom? "They're looney!" I have 3 incredible sisters (two by birth and one by adult un-offical adoption) that would help me hide a body if it ever came to that. And I've got caring friends aplenty. So, not only is the glass definitely half full, but my cup runneth over!

When I was about 14, I read two books called, "The Pigman" and "The Pigman's Legacy". Both were written by Paul Zindel. In the Legacy book the kids took a test that went something like this:

Close your eyes and imagine you're walking down a road...what does the road look like?
You're walking down this same road and you find a key. What does the key look like? What do you do with it?
You're on the same road and you see a cup. What does it look like? What do you do with it?
You're still on this road and you get to a tree. What does the tree look like? What do you do when you get to it?
Finally, you're walking along, and you get to a wall. The wall goes up eternity, down eternity, left eternity, right eternity, and forward eternity. What do you do?

Now you: Close your eyes and imagine these happenings and discoveries one at a time. Then come back to the blog and you will be able to know things about yourself that you might not have known before...

Come on! Don't be a spoil sport!
Do it now!

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Okay, the road represents your road of life. The key is your key of knowledge, while the cup is your cup of love. The tree is a symbol of your sex life, while the wall represents death. Your imaginings tell you much about your attitudes on these subjects.

When I took this test my road was a little dirt road, gently winding, with green, shady trees. The day was summer and gorgeous, a perfect temperature thanks to the shade. The path was full of filtered light and the air rang with birdsong... This reaffirmed that I loved life!

My key was a skeleton key, ancient and weathered but beautiful. I knew it was extremely valuable and I would need it later on, so I put it deep in my pocket for safe keeping... I knew I valued knowledge.

My cup was tin and shiny, so functional and yet so pretty. I loved it instantly and thought it the best cup in the world. I held onto it in case I ran upon a stream and was thirsty... I knew I loved love.

My tree was a weeping willow. A great hulking thing with strong branches you could swing on. So, I played on the tree... I was a virgin at the time but apparently sex was going to be a fun game for me!

When I got to the wall that could not be walked around, or dug through or under, or climbed. I calmly turned and walked along it. I had no more desire to see what was on the other side than I did to see what was along the wall further on. I didn't entirely trust the idea that it was impenetrable and thought I might find a door or an opening of some kind. Or perhaps I would find more beauty and adventure along the wall than I'd could ever find on the other side. After all, right here along the wall was a field of multicolored wildflowers. The prettiest sight yet. ... Then I knew not only that the adventure of death would not frustrate me but that my "golden years" would truly be just that. And, though I have feared death, I have not feared growing older since that day. If I am blessed enough to make it to old age, I am certain I will be one cool (as we said in the 80s) old lady! Come on, walk down this pretty path with me. You can be a cool old lady too... Or cool old gent, if you prefer.