JIMMY MY OAK

Jimmy Then and Now

THEN:

We met when I was twelve or thirteen. Jimmy was two years younger than me, but never for a moment did he let me think I was too old for him. As a matter of fact, he made a real habit of forgetting that I was even a day older than he was. I was on his radar from minute one, and I did not mind a bit! He had very touchable soft brown hair and the greenest, most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. Like my sister the Pound River they could suck you in and drown you if you let your guard down. He had freckles, a contagious smile, and a rotten sense of humor. Jimmy was thin but solid strength, and he knew the same thing I had discovered. If you are angry enough you can beat hell out of a bear and walk away. His temper was lighting and his fists were thunder. He was famous for fighting and it was known that he was fond of me. No one ever said a word out of line to me when he was near, and if they looked at me funny they did not do so for long. He would have never have fought a female, but he would even call girls out for it if they seemed to be disrespectful to me. He was sometimes loud and occasionally crude, but no one ever treated me with more respect or kindness than Jimmy. He would have given me the shirt off his back, his last morsel of food when he was hungry, and I knew it. He won my adoration on the first day that I got to know his rambunctious but loving ways. I was still in the shy stage then and did not know how to tell him I was interested, and before long, he was dating a girl named Suzie. I did not like Suzie very much, and looking back, that was probably just because my friend Nancy did not like Suzie much. I tended to trust my friends' judgement, perhaps more than I should have. Jimmy and I became fast friends and soon he started telling me horror stories on his girlfriend. He told tales of how she lied to him, "cheated" on him (which in elementary talk meant dated, kissed, or flirted with other guys when she had promised to be his girl.) He told me that she and her family were disrespectful toward him. I did not doubt any of his stories, but it annoyed me to no end that he would not break up with her, that he took this abuse and gave her another chance and another chance. I lost respect for him and found my romantic affections for him waning. When at last he and Suzie were through, he asked me out and I turned him down. For months I had wanted him to break up with her and ask me out, but by the time he did it I had lost all romantic interest. For several years, Jimmy made it clear that he was more interested in me than anyone, but I could not get the image of him taking crap from Suzie out of my head. We went skating together a few times and Jimmy gave me my first real kiss, but I never took my relationship with him into the "going out" zone because of those frustrated months of listening to him complain on Suzie. Looking back, I know this was very judgmental of me and I am regretful for that, but at the time I just could not feel romantically interested in him.

Once I threw a Valentine's party. I invited several girls but the only ones that came were my cousin Ramona (who had expressed mad adoration for Jimmy) and my friend Cindy. (She was dating Ramona's brother Dennis.) Dennis came, of course, and we made sure everyone was paired off by inviting Jimmy (for Ramona) and Brian (for me.) The party was very romantic and rather quickly became a make out session. Every time I raised my head from kissing Brian, I found Jimmy's eyes on me. He looked sad and I found it very disconcerting. Later he told me, "It broke my heart to see you kissing him. Please don't invite me to any more parties." I tried to explain that Ramona was crazily in love with him, that I just loved him as a friend, but nothing consoled him. I never felt exactly ignored by guys, but I was certainly used to Ramona getting her pick and me choosing from her castoffs. Getting someone's attention over her was new, and I wasn't even sure how to react to a guy that would rather be with me.

Not much later, Jimmy ran away to find his mother in North Carolina. He lived for years under bridges and stole electricity from porch outlets to cook stale grits or whatever food he could find in abandoned homes. He came back to my town twice. Once when he had just started a full time job that had gotten him off the streets. He was working at a Tyson chicken farm and was dating his bosses daughter. He took me to Hardee's and bought me a milkshake. He then told me he wanted me to run away with him and move to North Carolina. I was not yet eighteen (so Jimmy was probably fifteen or sixteen) and I was in a serious relationship with Greg. I told Jimmy I would not run away with him for several reasons. I loved Greg and planned to marry him. I also knew my daddy would find me in North Carolina. He would probably find me if I were in Russia, another state would not even slow him down. I pointed out that Dad's anger would be something I would not want to deal with. Besides, I loved my family. I did not want to hurt them, and Jimmy had a girlfriend anyway! I did not want to go somewhere and be girlfriend number two, or the adopted sister, or whatever third wheel situation he had in mind.

I told him all this, and he said, "You will never be second place to anyone in my heart." His eyes looked sad, older than they should look, and tired. Most of all, he looked sincere. But I shook my head. He said, "If that boyfriend of yours, if anyone, ever hurts you, you come to me. Find me and they will never hurt you again. You understand me? I will kill them." He spoke the words as a matter of fact, and I did not doubt them for a moment.

I nodded. Many years later, after my relationship with my first husband became horribly abusive, I toyed with the idea of finding Jimmy. I was certain, if I could find him the abuse would end. Period. There would be no more pain in my face that forced me to eat nothing but mashed potatoes and pudding for days. No one would ever put a gun to my head again, pull the trigger, and laugh when I urinated on myself. Never again would I be in fear for my life. My affection for Greg slowed the idea down. He only hurt me when he was drunk. He loved me when he was sober. I did not want him hurt, let alone dead. Once he had beaten all my affections for him out of me, pride slowed the idea down. Shouldn't I be able to handle my own problems? I didn't need a big, strong man to come save me, did I? My affection for Jimmy also slowed me down. I did not want to see him living the rest of his life in prison. But, after a while, all that was eclipsed by the pain and the fear and there was only one idea that truly stopped me:  My sons. My boys deserved to have a decent mother, the best mother I could give them, not a conspiring murderess! Still, my life had become so unbearable to me that I confess my brain ran through every plan I could drag up that might help me escape the abuse. I did think about it. I did consider everything from killing Greg myself, to finding Jimmy, to committing suicide. I looked at every option I could imagine. But like so many times before and after, the very existence of my sons saved me. In the end, I knew I had to do what a good mother would do, and I found the courage to leave Greg. Few people will understand when I say: this took much more courage than living with him.

Jimmy came back one more time to try to take me away. This time I was twenty, married, and no longer living in my home town. But he did not know any of that until my sleepy and angry father told him so when Jimmy knocked on the door at 3am in the morning. (Jim never let my dad scare him off like so many other guys did. He looked my Pop in the eye like an equal and never backed down.) Jimmy had just gotten a very good job at an ink factory and would for sure be able to support himself and me as well. It had occurred to him that I was over eighteen now and that, if things had not worked out with Greg, I might be more amenable to the idea of moving to North Carolina with him, legally, and without completely abandoning my family. He tells me he was broken hearted to find out that I was married.

I never gave Jimmy a corny nickname in my head, but always just thought of him as Jimmy or even just Jim. He told me when we reconnected as adults that men reminded him of trees and that he always tried to be an Oak. That made perfect sense to me. Jimmy was my Oak.

Many times I have wondered how different and likely easier my life would have been if I had not gotten up on my high horse about Suzie. Jimmy and I would have probably ruled the world, at least our world. Still, I needed my sons, those sons, EXACTLY those two! No one but Greg could have given them to me, and no amount of hard times would have been too much to go through for them. Also, the husband that I have now is my heart. Not only that, but using the good brain God gave me, I have to admit that Olin is the best match I could have ever made for myself. I've never met another man that suits my heart and my life the way he does. He and I laugh and learn together every day. We huddle over writing projects and show each other the awesome photos we recently captured. We cuddle in front of murder mystery shows. We make films together, and toss books at each other "You have to read this one!". We argue over silly things like the definitions of words and where doors are on a building we've driven past and walked into dozens of times. We agree or we agree to disagree on religion, politics, money and all the big scary things. When times get tough, we pull together like the old plow teams my Daddy used to work with. Olin and I cry together and watch each other's hair turn gray and the lines slide into our faces. I am reminded that the Bible says all things (that means even hard things) happen for the good of those that love the Lord. I bless the broken road that got me right where I am today, loving my husband, my family. This is what I was meant to do, but I sure am glad that Jimmy was part of that broken road and part of my heart and life to this very day.