YOUR REAL GRANDMOTHER

When you were little

Because you were very individual

& because you saw the humor in it

Lilly called me "Grandma"

& Noah called me "Granny".

The last time I saw you two

Noah said, "We call you Dee Dee now."

"Why ever would you do that?"

"Because Mommy said to;

"She says you're not our REAL grandmother."

I was too shocked and too hurt (not by you, precious ones) to respond, but now I must.

I don't often disagree with your mother.

I find her brilliant & beautiful to my heart.

But this time,

I must disagree.

The facts demand it.

A REAL Grandmother would love you more than oxygen & a fresh cool drink of water.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would miss you in her very bones.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would get out the memories of you & use them to alternately sustain or break her heart.

I am your REAL grandmother.

"I've always wanted a grandma JUST like you!"

"Oh, that's sweet Lil! What do you mean when you say "just like me"?"

"One that would love me, & tell me stories, & bake gingerbread with me."

"Granny, I look just like you! Even though you aren't my mom's mom or my dad's mom. I like it when they tell us I look like you!"

"I LOVE it, No No!"

A REAL grandmother would love you unconditionally & "more than the moon" & "more than chocolate" & "Forever Always".

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would gather photos, & artwork, & letters, & objects, & dried leaves & flowers that remind her of you. She would call them precious for their very connection to you.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would never ever forget you or how marvelous you are, no matter how many years & tears went by, no matter how much it hurt to remember all she had lost.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother might find ways to survive, might focus on those she COULD wrap in her arms. She would urge you look at  that love & to know that it was yours also, that just as she loves this available grandchild, she loves you who are so unavailable to her.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother might find ways to seem stronger, but she would never truly be strong without you. She would never stop carrying the hole in her heart that only YOU can fill.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would understand that in all these years apart your heart has maybe been turned against her. A REAL grandmother would adore you anyway.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would love you even if you seemed like a completely different person, when at long last she saw you again. She would never forget the child that forever lives inside you.

I am your REAL grandmother

.

A REAL grandmother would both dread & long for that day, when she would see you again and find out if you had hardened your heart to her.

I am your REAL grandmother.

A REAL grandmother would accept, and honor, and adore your changes, and she would have changes herself, but one thing about her will never change: her heart will always be yours.

I am your REAL grandmother.