HOW I PRAY

NOW:

    On very rare nights, I fall asleep before I even begin my prayers. I try to avoid that, but occasionally my mind is trying to finish thinking something out, and the next thing I know it is morning.

    Most nights, I at least say the Lord's Prayer, as that is the prayer Jesus taught us. I learned that one by heart of my own volition when I was about twelve. It adorned the wall over the stairway at my church and the words touched my heart, so much that I tucked them away inside it.

    Usually, the Lord's Prayer is followed by my own personal prayers. If I am especially troubled, thankful, or awake, I also say a prayer that I taught myself when I was about fourteen. It is called simply, "Thank You Lord". This one I found on the wall of Edith's office. Edith was the social worker that handled my family's food stamp case. She loved me and I her. I used to draw birds for her and she encouraged my artistic pursuits with praise that seemed honest and yet a little lavish. The words from the prayer on her wall spoke to my heart so firmly that I felt I had to hold onto them, to own them, and so I memorized them and loved them from that day on.

    If I am completely exhausted and not sure I will stay awake through even the Lord's Prayer, I begin with the child's prayer: Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take...

    Most nights I say a full prayer that goes like this:

    Our Father Who art in Heaven, 
    Hallowed be Thy name. 
    Thy kingdom come, 
    Thy will be done, 
    In Earth as it is in Heaven. 
    Give us this day, 
    Our daily bread, 
    And forgive us our debts, 
    As we forgive or debtors. 
    Lead us not, 
    Into temptation, 
    But deliver us from evil, 
    For thine is the kingdom, 
    And the Power, 
    And the Glory, 
    Forever...

    Father God, I thank You for being not only my God and my Creator, but especially for being my Father! What a mercy! What a blessing! What a gift, to be family with You!

    Thank You for Your son, Jesus, who lived, suffered, and died for me and mine! What a humbling sacrifice that we can never deserve!

    Thank You for the Holy Ghost, who is here for us in this time of separation and great need!

    Thank You for all good angels, in Heaven and in Earth. For Heaven's splendor and Earth's beauty. For all good angels encamped around the children of God. What a sweet and comforting thought!

    Thank You for all good people, in Heaven and in Earth. Please help us to realize that we, as Your children, are all family.

    Thank You for the people I love and need, for those that make life here better and help me find the strength to focus on good works in Your name.

    (As I thank God for my loved ones, I imagine their faces. I see them doing what I think they may be up to at that moment, sleeping, playing video games, brushing their teeth, reading stories to their little ones, etc.)

    I thank You so much for my husband, WadeO. For my sons Cory, Liam, and Justin. For my daughter in law,Julie, and my grand kids, Lilly, Noah, and Jackson. I thank You for the close relationship my boys have. Please help them to strengthen that, to stay each other's best friends here in this difficult place. I thank You for my step daughters, and I pray You will soften their hearts toward their dad and toward me. Thank You for their partners. Bless my adorable grandkids, please and help them to find and follow You.

    (When I am feeling strong, I list my step daughters and their partners individually, but most often it hurts too much to think that deeply of them, it brings their rejection to the surface of my strained and battered heart.)

    Thank You so much for my mommy and daddy, for Sandi, Lila, Paul, and Mary. Thank You for my nieces and nephews, great nephews and great nieces, and my great great niece.

    (Here, I usually go on to list my two sister's kids and their children individually, and I list several of my in laws: sister in laws, brother in laws, nieces, and nephews. I usually list some from my first marriage as well, imagining them all snug in their beds or kidding their children goodnight, etc. but I will leave their names out of this account this time.)

    Thank You Great God Almighty for Aunt Nancy, Barbara and Elmer, and Leona and all their kids, grand kids, and great grand kids. For all my aunties, (I have no uncle's left) for all my cousins, relatives, family, and friends.

    Thank You Father, for life, love, laughter, learning, and liberty... for health, happiness, hope, home, hearth, honor, honesty, and humbleness... for safety, salvation, and sanity... for faith, family, friends, and freedom... for Goodness and glory... for mercy and mindfulness, peace and plenty, wisdom and wonder.

    Thank You for motherhood and for the wind.

    Please forgive me, my Father, for anything I have ever said or done that offended You or goodness. I pray You forgive me all my flaws, shortcomings, and sins.

    Please help my children. Please be with them and bless them always. Teach them and guide them. Please comfort them. Help them to know they are never alone. I know they are Your children as they are mine. Don't let them forget that!

    I pray You will look down on us, Father God. Please strengthen the weak, comfort the lonely, heal the sick. Help us live as children of the King, of the Most High God.

    (Here, I pray for any current needs. Right now my friend Nancy is on that list and so are good life mates for Cory and Will.)

    Please be with my sweet friend Nancy and help her win this battle against cancer. We need more people like her on this side of Paradise, people willing to do good, willing to love. Please help her find the strength to defeat cancer and to be with us for many years to come.

    Please help Co and Will find good, God fearing women that will be helpmates for my sons, and that will allow my sons to help them as well. Please send them women that will love them, hold them, laugh with them, teach them, and learn from them. Send them women with strong character, good hearts, and that will make sweet conversations with my sons up until their old age. Please send them women that will seek goodness and that will be good mothers to my future grandchildren. And thank You so very much for Justin's Julie, who is all these marvelous things! I know that Justin and Jackson are in such good hands!

    If it can be Thy will, but in all things, always, Thy will be done.

    Thank You Lord, 
    For each new day You give to me, 
    For Earth and sky, and sand, and sea, 
    For rainbows after springtime showers, 
    Autumn leaves and summer flowers, 
    For winter snow scapes so serene, 
    Harvest fields of gold and green, 
    Stars that twinkle high above, 
    And all the people that I love!

    (And I fall asleep feeling very relaxed and very blessed!)