WHY YOUR MOMMA TOLD YOU TO NOT CALL OTHER PEOPLE NAMES

NOW:



In my half century of years, I've become utterly convinced of a few things, but none more so than the belief that we play a huge role in the world around us. I think we can all agree that our actions and the actions of others shape our world, but I'm asking that you also give some thought to the idea that our words and the words of others shape it as well.

When you slap a label on someone it usually sticks. It actually reinforces the behavior (negative or positive) that made you call him or her a name in the first place.

It sticks in more ways than one.

It sticks to a degree in your own mind because you are more inclined to expect similar actions from them in the future. (After all, everyone likes to be correct.) And therefore, you will be on the lookout for such actions, and you will point them out, leaving the other person more insecure, and brow beaten (hence more likely to fail again) every time they fail. You are your own negative prophet. You continue to look for more faults, and to create more faults, and to find more fault. In this circular manner, you can create a bigger, badder situation. You can make your very own avalanche of negativity.

The label also sticks in the other person’s mind because humans are very pliable. Each time someone tries to drag us down, chances are very good that they drag us down; especially if that someone is a person we care about.

This word power can be your super strength or your kryptonite. You get to decide. "Moron" begets moronic behavior, but "Amazing!" encourages strength and wonder, not only in yourself but in those around you. And who doesn’t need more strength and wonder in their lives?

Now, knowing that our words greatly shape our reality, it is your decision to make: Do you want your life to have more negativity and sadness or more positivity and happiness?

It is in our own best interests, in an individual way, in a family/friend situation, and in society as a whole to learn to use positive affirmations when speaking about ourselves AND others, unless you need or enjoy avalanches of negativity.

It is also in our own best interests to strive to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, not people who tear us down. Yes, everyone has a few Negative Normans they do and should feel duty bound to put up with. As Henry Wadsorth Longfellow warned us, “Into each life some rain must fall.” No one can or should entirely escape negativity. But you can choose to surround yourself with enough encouragers that your Negative Nancys won’t be very successful at dragging you down. You can increase your sunshine or increase your rain. You can have the self respect to (whenever the name callers are culpable) discourage the negativity by calling a spade and spade, by leaving the presence of the pain. You can say, “You know I love you, but I won’t allow you to hurt me with words any more than I will stand here and let you hit me.” You can leave the room, leave the home. Give it all a break and (if these people are important in your life) try a conversation again some other time.

We should set a good example too. Speak into the world more of what we want, not more of what we don't want. We should remember to be kind and empowering if we want kindness and order in our own lives.

Most of us instinctively know this with children. That is why we give them more positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement. That is why we are trained by the professionals to say, "You did a bad thing," instead of, "You are a bad child!" Why do we stop remembering this with others as they get older? Do we think that adults are immune from negativity? Do we think that our words won't pull down a 25 year old just as quickly and painfully as they will a five year old? Do we fail to realize that we are not hurting only them, but ourselves and the reality that we shape together, a reality that could be so much more beautiful if we’d just cut the crap (negativity)?

My sweet Justin once said, “Grown-ups are just kids too.” He was a child when he said it, but a child that had his finger on one of the Great Truths of Life.

Never forget: Grown-ups are just kids too!

I urge you to give this idea much thought! I implore you to be kind, and gentle, and UPifting to everyone in your world, even and especially to those you love, even and especially to yourself!

~ Skitch ~


You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall

Written by Allan Roberts and Doris Fisher
Performed by The Mills Brothers